Thursday, April 10, 2008


Okay, this is just hilarious. This is a real picture taken from Don't believe me? Here's the link:

Tell me that isn't a naked woman in the reflection of his glasses.

Wednesday, April 9, 2008

Cigarettes From the Past

Today, I want to talk about cigarettes. I quit officially on March 2nd, 7m of this year and technically on March 17th, 1am (it was St. Patrick's day. I was drunk) but really I've been finding it easier than I thought it would be. Maybe I was never really physically addicted. Maybe I have an amazing constitution. Actually, no maybe there. One day in 10th grade I decided to use forks and spoons with my left hand instead of my right and I've been doing it ever since. True story.
I am now a non-smoker. But maybe 'easy' was an overstatement. I've asked for cigarettes in between then and now and I have to thank my friends who say no and then smoke in front of me. Sincerely.

When I'm bored, I kind of want a cigarette. I don't have to have one; I just sort of want one. Like how when I'm watching tv, I like to have my laptop with me so I can look into all the cool medicines I see advertised. I don't have to have it. I just like it here. I like breathing in the aromas of my apple's internal fan, feeling the cool burn of 15 btu's glaring off the screen, a rustic taptaptap between my fingers...

The decision or maybe power to quit all came down to a kind of mantra I live by. I think of my perfect future. Not mine specifically but the kind of futuristic society that I dream of. No war, no stupid people (stupid stupid people...), a high society where the happenings of the past are so totally understood and quaint.

"Can you imagine? The former US government supported an industry where an addictive agent was sold unto a masses who KNEW it would kill them. It was all about...what was that thing called? Honey?"

"Haha, it's pronounced 'money', dear. A strange barter system based on paper representations of stones hoarded and valued for their beauty. The tobacco industry was able to make trillions of these 'dollars' by selling an addictive product thusly guaranteed to maintain the company's income."

"Company, Daddy?"

"Sooomething like our Life Service Organizations, little Billy. But far less moral. And in the case of the cigarette companies, far more destructive. It was almost brilliant in it's deviancy. They made enough money to support a corrupt government equally dependent on the power money gave - thereby preventing mass-murder charges. Even when at the height of their veritable campaign against humanity they were able to amass approximately 440,000 kills a year in the former United States alone and suffer the consequences of not one successful criminal charge. Most interesting was perhaps the fact that those who used cigarettes not only became physically dependent on them, but were very much emotionally attached. They defended their right to smoke and die. It's fun to wonder why it was that a community addicted to an agent was it's biggest supporter and that the community who was not addicted opposed the addictive qualities and mass distribution of a known poison. Huh, kids?"

"You're being facetious, of course, father."

"It was a strange time..."

"Silly humans."

So in short, it's always better to sit on the right side of history. Otherwise, aliens from the future will laugh at you. Like we do to Romans who drank out of lead pipes. This is probably the biggest lesson I live by now that I think about it.

You're welcome.