Tuesday, May 12, 2009

Outrageous Accusations!

Outrageous Accusations!

- The bubonic plague was a royal conspiracy intent on killing whores!
- Mentally handicapped carnival promoters were responsible for 911!
- Every time it rains, Paul McCartney makes $15,000!
- Canadians are scared of the dark!
- Foxes were genetically engineered by the French to nip at kite strings!
- Lily flowers hate everything!
- Belly buttons are the Danish equivalent of a vagina!
- Getting towels in an Iranian bath house will get you killed!
- Goties were invented in the 17th century to trick goats into mating with men!
- Howard Stern's penis is attached to his back!
- Native American tomahawks cause 88% of all premature births!
- German Shepherds are racist!
- Bjork and Seal came from the same home planet where they're both only mediocre singers!

I want to make this a separate blog, I think. If anyone reads this, talk to me about it. It could be fun. User run, sell it to google for a million dollars.
Easy-peasy. Beautiful.
Lover Burl.

Five Mean Thoughts - Medieval Times

Alright, I'm doing another one because sometimes, the best way to get ride of evil is to express it indirectly. I've been thinking about medieval times a lot - humorously - but today i may have gone too far again. Into that place where wincing is just as good as laughing. So, five mean thoughts about medieval times.


1. They didn't know what mental illness was so the mentally ill were made jesters or wrestled for sport. Either way, they were always chained.
2. Having abortions meant killing your woman.
3. When men fucked their dogs, they got them pregnant cause man's seed was so primitive.
4. King Arthur was so dumb, he thought science was magic and reading a dark art.
5. Venereal disease was how children were disposed of by royalty.


Sunday, May 10, 2009

Real Quote - Queen Elizabeth I

Kneel, Vicks Baker.
And arise! - Sir Vicks Baker.

Mother's Day - Here's to Women

"Here's to women.
Would that we could fall into their arms without falling into their hands!"

Wives who are funnier than their husbands:
-bill hader's wife
-will arnet's wife
-robert cohen's wife
-portia de rossi's wife

Women who are beautiful no matter what people tell me!
- Janeane Garofalo
- Gina Gershon
- TIna Fey
- bald Samantha Morton
- Anna Paquin
- Mary Lynn Rajskub
- Katherine Moennig

Blondie and Pat Benatar are going on tour this summer with The Donnas